| tra la la |
[21 Oct 2009|11:14am] |
So... There's no opportunity to DJ on campus. As far as i know, anyway. Then again, I lack equipment and adequate experience to even think about trying to find business.
So I joined theatre! :D lol Someone apparently thought i have something good to bring because I'm the cook in the show. Well, one of the cooks. They wanted to keep two people and there was only one role so it became two. SOOOoo I'm the daughter of the original character. Woo hoo! haha first role since middle school, and it was made for me. I feel special. lol
Life is good. Single, but still good. :/ i'd rather not be single but it is what it is. Basically, tons of people from home have fallen off the face of the communication planet.
I'm pretty stoked that I found a costume buddy on campus who will dress up with me. I also found my family's crest online and made it the background of my computer.
SPEAKING OF MY COMPUTER! Tegan Mashaka is a rebellious slut, i've come to learn. Tegan Mashaka = my computer, just btw. idk if i vented about that yet. but yeah. she wouldn't connect to interwebs so I brought her down to IT (information technology) and AS SOON AS I WALKED IN THE DOOR, BOOM! internet was restored. i was so embarrassed. I deal with technology all the time and i'm good at it. *is a nerd*
URGH lol
So yep. classes are good. people are nice. food is good. I could deal with consuming more calories if my too-loose pants are any indication, though. I've been in the dance studio every day that I'm not at physical therapy. Need to get in shape ><
So yep. s'all good. :)
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| I love college... hey! |
[28 Aug 2009|11:52am] |
College starts soon. September 5th. :) i'm looking forward to it.
I'm also quite nervous. My roommate seems nice, but I'm not sure how to tell her about my LGBTQ-ness. At the moment, I'm identifying as "Questioning" not "Bi" but i'm really not that much into labels. It's just easier to explain. Bleh.
So waht's new with me? Hmm... lots of unrequited crushes lately. I'm not a huge fan of those. I'm not doing anything about them. I usually make the first move and obviously it hasn't worked so far so I'm going to let the people up there make the first moves. We'll see.
I think my strengths are my weaknesses and i know that doesn't make a lot of sense at first look... but it kinda makes sense.
I'm very affectionate, but I can also get too clingy.
I'm loving but I can get attached too quickly.
Stuff like that. Not necessarily bad things but it's more about the depth of the feelings and whatnot.
*sighs*
College will be interesting, at least.
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| All the things I want to say |
[18 Aug 2009|02:49am] |
hmm... yeah i think i'ma type a massive post. i've been in the poetic mood lately but i've been deviating a lot from my normal four-line abcb rhyme scheme and moving into more free form. i'm not sure why. maybe the lack of rigid identity has something to do with it. maybe i'm just tired of structure. i'm not sure. but i've been posting stuff on facebook, which is also not very much like me. i'm not sure if i'm feeling bolder or if i'm looking for attention or what. i've been strange lately and i'm not sure why. I"m fairly sure it's neither bad nor good, just neutral. but i'm not 100% sure. i never really am until i do something. lately i've been into risks. dunno why. telling people i like them seems to be on the "to do" list a lot.
I think i like you but you'll never know because you're just too amazing and too fragile and too perfect as you are. I don't want to change one hair on your head or one thing about the way i see you. You are imperfectly perfect and just... all i want. But i'd rather look at you through glass. it's better for us both. I get too clingy too quickly.
I don't want to annoy you by being cloying. You're an awesome friend. any girl who dates you is infinitely lucky. I applaud her for landing a date with you.
I have no clue where you've been since stuff happened and people happened in my life. But i want to find out. I probably will never know because i'm too scared to ask about your dating history. You'll want to know why i know. or you'll figure out it's because i want to be the last person in that history. we'll see. idk. I might be braver tomorrow. i might be braver in two seconds.
I'm not a patient person. I'm clingy. I'm not that pretty/attractive. i'm not in great shape. i like the people least likely to like me back. I date good people, though, when it works out. I'm attracted to the quiet ones. In relationships, i like being the traditionally-female role, which fits. cuz i'm a girl.
I hate when people don't acknowledge my femininity. Even when i'm wearing men's clothing. I AM A GIRL! i want to be noticed and seen and cherished and kept and loved and adored and all the things that are conducive to a relationship. I want a relationship like a fish wants water. I like being single and finding out about myself. but i LOVE being adored and whatnot. I love being held and kissed and told nice things, even when i don't believe them.
I want to find that with you, dearheart. And you'll probably never know. How sick am i? how twisted, how foolish, how annoying? Am I a gnat? A flea? Am i like a stray puppy who latches onto a kind person for feeding her? I don't know.
I have no clue how you see me. Your sister is my age. do you see me as a sister? As just a friend? How do you associate me? Am i crazy in your mind? Do you think i'm weak? Do you think i'm above you? Below you? I want to be right at your level.
Will i ever know who i am? I hope so. I want to know you too. >< do you want to know me? do you know me already?
I talk in circles around you because i want you to stop me, put your hands on my shoulders, and smile. I want you to tell me i'm ok just as i am and that you want me just the way that i am, but that if i change, you'll still be by my side.
I love how i can talk to you about nonsense and stupid stuff and you don't think less of me. at least, i hope you don't. i don't know why your opinion means a lot to me but it does. I don't resent you. I resent my human weakness for falling for you.
I admit it. i like you. do you even know this journal exists? Do you know that i'm a girl and i have feelings and you're a boy and i find you attractive?
am i too young for you? Is there a problem i can't fix?
I don't know. but i want you to tell me what you think.
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| OY vey.. bit of a hefty post. comments=good |
[05 Aug 2009|02:00am] |
ok so while you're playing your games i think i'll type you a really long message. at least until AIM cuts me off. I had a weird dream a couple of nights ago that this woman kissed me but it felt like her toungue was disintegrating in my mouth so i pushed her away and ran away and vomited quite a bit. and then today in the car i dreamed lucidly that you were there and i didn't know what was real and what wasn't until i woke up. i'm tired but i don't want to sleep because the computer is addicting and i don't want to feel alone or lonely and talking to friends makes me feel better. i have no clue what to do with gender roles anymore because some days i'm really girly and some days i'm not. like i'll wear men's clothes and wonder if i look manly or if i look butch or if i just look stupid. i'm kinda short. idk if the tomboyish look works as well on me as it would on a tall, skinny person. bleh. who knows? i like being girly, but only in small doses. i'm girly on the inside... that makes me happy.
When i do choose to express it though.... i feel awkward. the only time my skin feels like it fits is when someone else seems to approve. i feel stupid for being so dependent on public opinion after basically storming through high school screaming FUCK THE WORLD and doing what i wanted to do... but now i'm wondering if i stood out, perversely, to gain acceptance. kinda like i'll never fit into the Abercrombie world (not that i want to) so i may as well just do something else. idk. i've always been me. Me has identified as bi since sophomore year and until now i've had little trouble balancing male and female... but now idk. now it's hard. maybe i just took off the blindfold. i feel peaceful now. dunno why but maybe the insecurity is something in which to feel secure. again... who knows? I'm glad i have you to talk to. you understand me. that means... the world to me because i don't even really understand myself. but at least i know i'm making some kind of sense. >< this is so backwards it's forwards. y'know?
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[27 Jul 2009|09:41pm] |
LOL
Ok so i'm at Landmark College atm for a college transition/prep program for two weeks and idk what's going on but it's a lot of fun. Lots of people to hang out with. One or two in particular.
Uhm.. yeah so there've been a couple of issues with sexual assault. Specifically, this really uber creepy guy named Ben Isaac. He actually assaulted my friend Veronika, and attempted to seduce my friend Michelle and after she rejected him, he tried me. First mistake: Trying to seduce strong women. Second mistake: Underestimating our powers of male friend-wielding. Matt and I reported him to campus police. If something doesn't happen, I will go to normal police. He needs to be stopped, and he will be. I am strong. I am woman.
Don't be fooled by my pink type. I have no fear of kicking a guy in the balls if he gets too close. Rawr. i is pirate.
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| A Whole Manner of Weirdness.... |
[30 Jun 2009|05:23pm] |
okay so some updates on milovely best friend "Aaron"...
His parents gave him a makeover... and he got an ear piercing...
okay so i've been trying to take him shopping for AGES and to get him to consider something like a piercing but noooo.... always too scared was he. he doesn't even like his parents, from the conversations we've had...
:(
i wanted to be there. and this is weird because Aaron is SOOoo not the type for name brand clothes or a piercing. :(
if he loses his personality, I have no clue what I'm going to do.
Yes, i'm being illogical and selfish...
but he's my Aaron and I like him the way he is. He doesn't NEED to change. He's perfect as is. >< stupid parents of his. Grrrrr.
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| Anyone? |
[29 Jun 2009|03:36pm] |
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Does anyone even read my LJ?
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| Skinny jeans and male pregnancy. lol |
[10 Jun 2009|01:31am] |
Aaron and I went shopping. The first place we went was Hot Topic. I tried to make him buy purple skinny jeans but the novelty was lost amongst his straightness. *sighs* I then discovered this AMAZING section of pride JOY! lol i'm talking lanyards, shirts, cuffs, wristbands, socks, gloves... all sorts of joyous things. lol I think we scarred the guy who worked there, though. ^_^ it's a skill. I ended up buying lace gloves, comb-in washable blue hair dye, and two pairs of earrings, No pride gear cuz i'd be afraid my parents would shoot me. They're unaware that I'm bi so far, but ignorance only lasts so long and i want theirs to last until they can handle the info in a mature way. Meaning by not throwing me out.
After Hot Topic, Aaron and I went to a store called Rue21. I'd never gone there in person before, but I had a gift card from my mommy so i decided to spend it. "May as well...." I figured. I bought two pairs of converse knockoffs and a rainbow stud belt. :D The sneakers are pretty chill. One pair is blue sequins and the other is black canvas with little stars in many different colors. :) rainbow pride SHOES! i'm happy cuz it's subtle.
then we got lunch. we ate some really saucy chicken and fried rice, which was quite delicious. I decided to throw away our rubbish and walked all around the food court, looking for a trash can, before discovering there was one RIGHT BY OUR TABLE! lol fail. haha it was ok tho cuz Aaron thought it was cute. haha. :)
after lunch, i exchanged my HT earrings for a NOT broken pair, and then we sat for a few minutes before walking around some more. We made a lot of albino jokes, due to the sunshiny sunny sun boring down on our poor, white skin. Lucky Aaron is as hairy as they come so he was protected at least a little bit but I had sunscreen, so I was ok :) While we were walking, Aaron pointed at this sign for a maternity store and was all "Hey, let's go in there!" So i felt awkward. I mean, really.... here, next to me, is the only male on the planet with whom i would consider procreating with, and that's only if we were the last people on the planet. nothing personal, i just don't want to date atm. And he's pointing to a maternity store. So, to alleviate the awkwardness, or at least shunt it onto him, I looked at him and went, "There something you want to tell me?" He looked confused so i rubbed his tummy and he got all embarrassed. Not gonna lie, it was adorable. I love cute friends. lolz.
then we got ice cream. Aaron made an innuendo, leading me to lightly slap him. The woman behind us in line was like "hit him harder!' but we hugged instead so she was all "AAAAAAAAwwwwwwwww! how CUTE!" and i blushed but Aaron didn't. lol sweet deal. We then got our ice cream and searched for his car in the parking lot. We drove home and then i made him wait while i fetched seltzer water from my basement, cuz no one else in my family drinks it. So he may as well take it. hahahahahahahahaha
male pregnancy... silly Aaron....
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| What i'm up to |
[07 Jun 2009|12:05am] |
so recently i've been writing a lot of parodies of popular songs, so that they fit fencing culture. they can be found at z7.invisionfree.com/wbhs_debate_wars where i'm a mod. :D yah they gave me power.
idk if i'm gonna have a good day tomorrow. I'm nervous cuz there's a meeting for all the bussers at my restaurant tomorrow and idk what it's about. Could be anything, good or bad. my boss said it was neutral but i don't know if that means anything or not.
So "Aaron" and i had a platonic date 2 weeks ago and have been trying to make more plans but it's hard to see one another. I love him so much (platonically) that.... idk. i would do anything to cure his depression. He is my best friend and my soul's twin and he's just... amazing. and he doesn't see it. the best never do.
I just wish he knew how much he means to me. Someday when i have a family, he's going to be the godfather of my first child, and i'm naming that child either Aaron or a feminized version of his actual name, after him. He better realize how awesome he is. lol jk. he's just... amazing. ahahahahahaha
so our next platonic aventure, we think, is going to be the Attleboro Art Museum on monday. I have a piece in an exhibit there (for fashion club) and i want to check it out. Mostly, i want an excuse to be artsy with my bestie. lol ^__^
srsly tho. man is awesome. I would be satisfied with no husband if i can just be Aaron's sister forever. he rocks my world. :)
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| Modesty! |
[02 Jun 2009|03:02pm] |
I love being single. I know that sounds weird and crazy, but it's true. It's a state of being alone but i'm not lonely because i've got Jesus. So that's cool with me. I've been working on a lot of projects lately, and I think I may have found a calling.
Chastity and modesty talks. Yes. I know. It's "old-fashioned" and people don't want to listen.
But the fact of the matter is, morality is universal. Every culture has some kind of moral code. They don't all straight-out say the same things, but they exist for the same purpose: to regulate society.
Why? Because homicide is bad. lol.
but in all honesty, think about it. How universal are the ten commandments? don't lie. don't steal. be good to your parents. don't kill. it's pretty simple stuff. The only one that is really unique is the one saying not to have any gods aside from the one true God.
All the abrahamic religions, all the people of the Book, cleave to the Ten Commandments.
I wonder why people think all muslims are extremists... actually no i don't. i blame the media.
I blame the media for a lot. It tells girls to act/dress like sluts so boys will like them. it mocks chastity and morality and people who live with integrity, and tells such people that to do so is to be arrogant and put on airs.
I'm fed up with people judging others and hurting others, but i know it's not going to stop unless people try to stop it. This is my calling. I want to make the world a better place. Because waiting for the world to change is not going to make anything happen.
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| :'( |
[13 May 2009|10:24pm] |
Soo... i haven't heard from Laura in, like, 5 days... IDK what the hell that means.
Does she even like me? srsly...
I'm so distracted. >< i can't focus on finals. I drink tea and think of her. I do anything, and i think of her. ><
I miss her. a lot. i almost wish i hadn't kissed her b/c she's seemed so distant since then.
I've been slaving for weeks over our Anime Boston costumes and now she tells me she's not sure she's going to go anyway.
Gee... GLAD I PUT ALL THAT EFFORT IN!
SRSLY
can she like.. not lead me on? please?
i'ts not that hard to call me. >< my number is on freaking FACEBOOK. (i think...)
Either way, she has it and so does her brother. so no excuses.
I just feel utterly rejected by her. I've been trying to get in contact with her in every possible way but nothing. The only response i got was a facebook note. WTF? if you can FB me, you can call me. :(
i'm slightly pissed. Not that i'd admit it to her. Can't have her getting angry... that'd be counter-productive.
I'm just seriously annoyed. I am willing to be with her, no matter what toll it takes on my family (i could be thrown out over this) and yet... nothing. ><
is this one-sided? srsly? like.. does she even like me back? is that why she's avoiding me?
IDK
maybe i'm just assuming the worst. I hope i'm assuming incorrectly. I really do. I thought i could fall in love with her but now i'm not quite so sure. I feel like she's distancing us. I don't like it but whatever.
And so it goes.
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| DUDE |
[08 May 2009|10:24pm] |
ok. so i feel like i'm my friends' counselor, which is slightly awesome. I feel so loved right now. People come to me to help them. Do you know how incredible that feels? I'm like... I'm not worthy of this... Legit. srsly. i feel like John the Baptist. LIke everyone thought he was the Messiah but he's all "no, but that's my cousin." lol
speaking of, my dear Aaron (again, not his real name....) actually SMILED for the first time in months. which was amazing. I made a severely depressed person smile. wow. I wish more people prayed for "Aaron" because he needs it. And i know that he only had that strength because of prayer and all the prayers that are being said for him. Aaron is not ony my best friend, he is the twin of my soul. Talking to him makes me feel not only completed psychologically/mentally, but emotionally. He is just this incredible GIFT of a person and he doesn't even REALIZE it. >< I want to just hold him and tell him how much he is loved. And I know my other good friend does as well. I'll call him The King. (he'll know why if he reads this :P. It's Biblical ^_^)
But yeah.
Laura is 20 today. I just realized that meant Kyle was 18 on Wednesday. I completely forgot. oops. but yeah. so that's fine. I now look back on that relationship and smile, even though there was a lot of hurt associated with it. He's going to Florida next year, and I"m off to Maine. This is good. :)
I think I could legitimately fall in love with Laura. She's just herself and that's awesome. I love how when I call her, I can hear in her voice that she's happy to hear from me. It's amazing. I don't want to say anything yet because it's so early in the relationship and I don't want to freak her out or scare her away or anything. Nor do i think i'm ready to do so. Looking at my relationship history, I probably shoudn't say anything for at least three months. Lol. I do luv her tho, which means I love her as a friend, I love the way she thinks and speaks (even though she's kinda profane and I usually hate that... on her it's sexy as anything :) ). I can't believe that she actually wants to be with me, still. I'm so amazed.
I doubt myself a lot, I've realized, and I've also realized that can be the downfall of an otherwise-awesome relationship. I know I'm worthy of love. I know that I deserve good things. Still, when it actually happens, I'm like "whoa! Blessings!" :D God rocks like that.
hahaha srsly tho on the whole God thing...
My dearest Aaron has always strugged with his faith. Which is fine.... but it's hard. He knows that faith is hard. but he's depressed.
However, I know for a fact there is a God. Way too many awesome things have happened in my life that could not have happened otherwise. I apologize if this offends people, but it's true. Beyond all doubt. The theory of materialism is utterly failsome. >< materialism denies the existence of both God and the soul, which have to exist. Regardless of whether or not they are constructs or tangible, they exist. I know they do. I know that someone could attack this easily scientifically but I'm not writing this as a science paper. This is an LJ entry.
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| The end-of-the-school-year edition :) |
[07 May 2009|08:30pm] |
5 days left. pretty pumped, not gonna lie.
tomorrow's laura's b-day, as well. she'll be 20. i feel like a child b/c i'm 2 years younger. not a huge difference. but it's there. sometimes i wonder if i'm enough for her....emotionally and in other ways too. She's...awesome. I could very well be falling for her harder than is wise. Oy vey. I'm gonna let things happen as they will.
But i have no clue what to do for her birthday. movies? theatre? a nice dinner? i have no clue. ><. I DO have a weekend off from work, though. so maybe a sleepover? idk. that might be weird.
Plus she might want to sleep apart from me again. Even though last time it was due to weather, it still hurt. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, and I certainly don't want to be upset. so we'll see.
Yeah.
I'm worried about my friend. i'm going to call him Aaron. That's not his real name, but yeah. he'll know who he is. :) (no, Ben, not you. lol) but yeah. Aaron is depressed. Severely depressed. and i love him so much that it's extremely hard to watch him struggle. I want to just take his pain away and let him be free. but i can't. >< :'( he deserves a much better caregiver than i and he doesn't think anything of himself, being depressed.
But yeah. haha. School is ending soon. that's nice but kinda scary. st joes is FAR away. idk if i want to be that far from laura and my other friends. parents, fine. but not my friends. they're too important.
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| HuH?? |
[03 May 2009|08:57pm] |
Sooo i went to simmons and hung out with laura for the weekend but i was left with some serious mixed feelings. For instance, we kissed a few times but i couldn't tell if she liked it or not. it's not that she didn't kiss back when i kissed her... but she never instigated it. ><
AND it's her finals week so she's all *stresssssss* and i'm all "are you oK?" and yeah it's just weird. so idk what's happening with us.
I hate how i can't guage what's too clingy and what's not affectionate enough and how i don't get feedback or commentary.
I always "hug" her thru AIM with a *hug* and she used to return them ALL the time but not so much recently. and by not so much, i mean not at all. which sucks majorly b/c i miss that a lot. Same thing with hearts. OK so the "normal" heart <3 doesn't show up... so i came up with an alternative heart E> FOR LAURA. and now she doesn't respond to that either.
SO idk if she's stressed or if she doesn't like me anymore or what the hell is going on but i'm hoping it's just stress and i can help her with it.
</3
IDK what i was expecting from the weekend... something more romantic i guess. >< i'm such a romantic at heart that sometimes it's hard to remember not everyone is. like... I know she came out and everything but still. A little more affection would have gone a long way. *sighs*
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| wow |
[15 Apr 2009|12:11am] |
okay... did NOT see this coming. One of my friends told me that he might have or had gender identity disorder. which is odd because i'm writing about it for psych. a bit overwhelmed atm.
so yeah. Laura update! i'm trying to go up and visit my lady-luv for the weekend of April 25 and 26. I'm not sure how it's gonna go. I'm fairly sure I'll get up there. So yeah. I'm planning on bringing some sexier clothes. I bought skinny jeans, and i bought a black blouse to go under my black corset. I'm planning on my catwoman boots but converse would be cute too. and my black leather trench. unless it's too hot. we'll see. for sunday, i'm wearing a big "football" jersey and the same skinny jeans unless they get dirty. jic, i'm bringing a denim skirt too. the same denim skirt in which i was mistaken for a boy.
yes.
me.
with the boobs. i was mistaken for a BOY while wearing a skirt. >< that was a great moment in kiki history. i swear. the shorter i cut my hair, the baggier my pants, the more girly i look. >< ironic much?
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| <3 for my Westley, AKA Laura |
[02 Apr 2009|05:15pm] |
^^
so yeah. Laura got back to me on the whole crush thing. ANd now we're together. which is sweet. XP yeah. lol
Soo we both love the movie The Princess Bride and we took a personality/character quiz thing and she got Westley and I got Buttercup. Which is cute as hell ^^ lol. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDM38Wzd8mA this pretty much sums it all up.
I'm actually planning on going up for a sleepover at Simmons (Laura's school) in a coupl'a weeks. It should be fun. tee hee hee.
I went to a funeral today and i was leaving with the rest of the people from my school who went and the priest was shaking hands with people... and he called me a boy. Like... he had a distinct handshake for girls and another one for boys. and i got the "boy" handshake. >< OK I AM NOT A BOY! i have BOOBS! and they're PROMINENT. >< srsly??? gosh... he was old but he was definitely not senile, judging from his sermon. And btw... girl pants are WICKED different from boy pants and i was NOT wearing a tie like all the boys were. SOOO obvious. ><
lol
so that's life. I'm mostly a fan. lol
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| oh the memories |
[22 Mar 2009|10:26pm] |
so this girl i used to know sent me a vid of "better than me" by Hinder, basically telling me that i was a horrible person because i didn't cheat on my (now ex) bf with her. Sorry.... I kinda liked him a little bit. in all honesty, he was probably my first love. sometimes i still miss what he and i had, but only when i'm *really* lonely.
So I told Laura that I like her. She responded kinda oddly.... but it's ok. It's not a "no" but it's not a "yes" either. so i'm kinda confused but that's ok. I dont' mind. She can take her time. I certainly wouldn't hold it against her if she decided she doesn't feel the same way. Whatever she feels is ok, as long as we stay at least friends. Which i think was the point she made. lololol. I'm just surprised she didn't figure it out sooner. I posted two notes on facebook and most of it was referencing stuff she and i discussed. I also found out we both love green tea ice cream, tiramisu, and mitch hedberg. That's cool. I like having connections with people.
I went to mass today and wore an outfit i normally wouldn't wear. Black manpants rolled up into capris, my black Cullen crest twilight shirt, and a purple sweatshirt with black converse that have shamrocks on the ankles. that was fun. I ran into a kid who sits in my homeroom.
Speaking of homeroom, i was at TJ maxx to buy prom shoes and ran into another kid in my homeroom. They just pop up everywhere i go.
Speaking of prom, i'm not sure what to do yet. I have a couple of people i'd consider asking. i guess i'll make a list of who they are and why/why not i think they'd be a good idea.
1. laura. Pros-good friend plus i have a crush on her so things could move along. cons-she could say no and i'd be disappointed. she could drop the bomb that she decides she doesn't feel the same way and my night could be soured. not ruined, but soured. plus, she's a girl so idk if she'd be allowed despite her alumna status.
2. nick. pros- he's a really nice guy and very nice to look at. very strong and tall and he's wicked sweet. cons-could say no. plus, we don't have *tons* of friends in common. i dont' know him that well. i'd ask him to go as a friend, since i have feelings for laura and don't want to stop things with her before they begin.
3. tom. pros-funny guy, sweet, gives *good* hugs. he's friends with a laura who i don't have a crush on (lol), and he's friendly but not creepy. he and i hung out on ECHO together and it was fun. cons-same as nick.
so yeah. that's kinda it i think. this turned out to be a lot longer than i thought it would be. hahahaha.
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| Gyeahh ^^ |
[21 Mar 2009|08:13pm] |
Crushing is the most wonderful pain
The strong emotion that can break your vow to abstain
From everything you have been told is wrong
She can even inspire three thousand new songs
But they're never any good, you know what I mean?
No words can convey her essence, how amazing she seems.
I don't know what to say to her anymore
Without seeming like an attention-whore
I want her arms wrapped around me tight
As she comforts me through the tortured night
I ant to open up to her, let her see
All the stuff, good and bad, that makes me be me
But she is there and I am here
I can do nothing more without seeming weird
Everything I do is just so obvious
That anything more would just be frivolous
I wish she knew, I wish she was aware
That for her, oh her, so much do I care
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| ??? |
[19 Mar 2009|07:59pm] |
Why does she have to be so pretty?
why does she have to be so sweet?
WHy does she have to be so tempting?
Why does she have to be so unattainable?
just why?
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soraxsunao's journal
optimistic